Some of the Rudest Men I Have Ever Encountered

 I expected to encounter a strong patriarchal society especially here in the Northern part of the country with its Islamic influence.   Even the African men I know and work with back home present strong, domineering presences-and this is from those who have been in the U.S. many years.  Now, I understand traditional male roles as breadwinner and protector of the family, but I was not prepared for the downright rudeness and lack of respect shown by many men here.

In Kano, the largest city in the north, there are several larger, grocery/department stores. These multi-leveled businesses—Jufatu, Sa’haad, among others sell clothing, house wares, books, non-perishable foods—everything except produce.  

After an  shopping venture a few days after arriving, we were ready to check out.  No ‘line’ at the check out station was really defined. There was a couple with a basket who checked out as we stood around trying to get into the process.  Then this man walks in front of the woman in front of me and plopped his goods down on the counter.  The (male) cashier didn't skip a beat—he took the line-butter’s things and rang them up.  I hadn't noticed but the staff person who accompanied us, suggested that we go to the ‘women’s line’.  To my amazement, a separate checkout line was dedicated to women who were shopping alone—to avoid the rude men who feel entitled, but probably also as part of Sharia law which separates facilities for men and women in many situations.

A guy tried to hand his single item to a cashier when it was my turn at another store, but after an emphatic ‘excuse me’, he apologized and asked if he could quickly buy the item.  We’ve all had similar experiences here in the North.  I should keep a count of the men who have pushed past me to either get on or off the elevator here at the Zaranda.  My feminist sensibilities have been assaulted! Must I elbow my way onto the elevator?

Some of my male colleagues both Muslim and Christian have assured me that these behaviors are exceptions. Ok, but I see them everywhere.  Maybe it’s part of the ‘big man’ mentality…those affluent, influential types who sometimes consider themselves ‘above’.

Things are evolving.  In workshops the men often call for ‘women’s equality’, participation by the few female participants.  Then the men proceed to tell the women how to do the task they have been volunteered for. Evolving!